The Emotional Roller Coaster

In today’s society, the relationship between boys and girls vary. The way boys relate with others is different from the way girls relate with other people. I will discuss the differences and similarities between boys and girls when it comes to relating with each other.

According to my observation, it has come to my notice that boys tend to be more confrontational, whilst girls are better at language, using words to explore and substitute for emotional reactions; such as physical fights. This is unlike boys, who prefer to express their feelings physically. A good example of this is the case of my little cousins; a boy and a girl. Everyone knows it is a normal thing for brother and sister to have misunderstandings and disagreements sometimes. When my little cousins have an argument, the girl is quick to express her feelings with words like; “I don’t like what you are doing”, “Stop it! It’s not right”, “You’re going to get into trouble”, and so on. On the other hand, the boy gets angry and is quick to slap or punch her. These are children between the ages of 4 and 5.

My second point is focusing on the fact that boys play in larger groups with an emphasis on competition, whilst girls play in small intimate groups with an emphasis on minimising hostility and maximising cooperation. During my study in college, the boys in my school were used to playing the game of football. As we all know, this game is a game that involves a lot of people divided into two separate teams. Therefore, this practically means; there has to be a winning team. This is what brings up the issue of competition; the two teams want to win, no one wants to lose; so they have no other choice than to compete for the reward or fame.

On the other hand, the girls moved together in small cliques, just to avoid issues like competition or envy. They hang out with people they can tolerate, so as to avoid frequent disagreements and hostility, as well as enhancing cooperation with one another. They believe that the smaller they are in groups; there will be fewer disagreements with one another. Disagreements between lots of people can cause a conflict, whilst a disagreement between a few can easily be resolved.

The interesting similarity between men and women is that; at the early stage of their relationship, both men and women prefer to talk about each other’s emotions and personalities, that is; their likes and dislikes. This is because they are just getting to know each other, but as the relationship grows deeper and older; the men tend to withdraw from the emotional discussions. My older cousin is a very good example of this point, even though she’s now married to someone better; when she started dating this particular guy, at first, things were rosy in the relationship. She would come home to tell me about how close she and her boyfriend are, how they used to tell each other how they felt, and so on. As their relationship was growing, she started complaining; telling me that he had changed, that he never used to behave this funny when they started their relationship. She also complained about his withdrawal from emotional responsibilities. I have observed that most men do this, because they are scared of marriage (lifetime committment) and paternal responsibility. They believe that once they are married, they are in lifetime bondage, so they tend to withdraw from the relationship and keep running until they realise they have to face their fears and be the men they truly are. This might be too late as they might loose a wonderful life partner that was actually destined by God for them.

Fourthly, there is also the fact that most men are slow in bringing up problems in a relationship, whilst most women are quick in bringing up problems. Women are more emotional and cannot keep things in mind for too long; they prefer to blurt out their feelings quickly, just to take it off their mind. They care more about their relationships than men; men are less concerned about bringing up problems, they prefer to keep things in mind till they cannot take it any longer. An example is that of my experience with an old friend of mine of the opposite sex; anytime he offended me or did something I didn’t like, I was quick to tell him how I felt or that what he did was wrong. On the other hand, he was totally different; he didn’t tell me when I offended him, all he did was to look at me and held it against me. This was not right; things like this caused little disagreements between the two of us. I was always the one talking and telling him let me know when I offended him. As friends, we are supposed to tell each other how we feel, regardless of how any one of us might take it. Nowadays, the tables have turned to an extent; most guys express their feelings now, which is good. As I would say; "a mirror will tell you the truth, and so will a true friend."

Lastly, women are more sensitive to a sad expression on a man’s face than are men in detecting sadness from a woman’s expression or face. As discussed earlier, women are more emotional than men, so they tend to notice little things like facial expressions.They can easily detect when someone is sad, happy, nervous, or excited; unlike men, who are not too good at detecting facial expressions. A man only knows how a woman feels if she tells him or breaks down in tears; it is rare for a man to notice sadness on a woman’s face. An example of this is the case of my friend and her boyfriend; anytime she’s sad, she pulls a long face that is very obvious to all, but her boyfriend doesn’t notice it. All he does is to joke and play with her and act as though there’s nothing wrong.The only time he knows what is bothering her, is when I tell him or when she starts crying. This is quite unfair, because she is quick to notice an expression of sadness on his face and doesn’t waste time to ask him what is on his mind. Women are more matured when it comes to emotions, feelings, and expressions than are men.

According to all I discussed earlier, women are emotionally different from men when it comes to relationships. They also have some similarities like; both the boy and girl like to be in charge of the relationship. They both want to have the final say in their decisions, which could cause disagreements between the two of them. Another similarity is the fact that both men and women like to be pampered once in a while in their relationships. The most interesting similarity I recently discovered, is the fact that at the age of ten, roughly the same percentage of girls as boys are overly aggressive, given to open confrontation when angered. This changes as they grow older; the aggressive attitude stays with the boys, but this same aggressive attitude leaves the girls.

As earlier discussed; boys are more confrontational, whilst girls are better at language, using words to explore and substitute for emotional reactions such as physical fights. These changes take place in girls as they grow older than the age of ten, but children of nowadays, mature faster than expected. It has come to my notice that children, especially girls; begin to develop these mature traits between the ages of 5 and 7.

       In my opinion, I would say that this boy/girl relationship is an emotional roller coaster because; at times, it could be confusing, trying to understand each other’s emotions and feelings could cause arguments and little misunderstandings. Therefore, I would say that the arguments, misunderstandings and the latter resolving of issues, stand for the emotional roller coaster, because there are ups and downs in every relationship; precisely the same way a roller coaster moves up and down and down and up and down and up and down... Lol... What an exciting, and challenging experience!!!